I'll Be Your Man

Must love dogs, well, puppies to be exact. I'm in a totally committed relationship with Toad. I'm in love. I overlook some downfalls. I excuse some poor manners. I accept there are limitations just like every good relationship does. I focus on the good times and lean into the bad ones.

But, because there is a divide between my passions of puppies and my love of Toad, it gets hard. Because Buffer was so amazingly, unbelievably nurturing, the comparisons happen. Past relationship v/s new guy. I accept that Toad will never replace Buffer's work. But holy hannah heck.... you'd think he could at least not be bat crap crazy around the pups!

Toad started off poorly. 

Too enthusiastic. Too vocal. Too fast. 

No focus, no words, no control. 

Every relationship has priority items. With people it can be children, geography or goals. Toad being able to behave reasonably with the babies is a top priority. It's where we've been spending time. By moments, I feel like it will be a dead end in training. Yesterday, we finally had a break through.

With every relationship that's going through a tough time, you negotiate, you talk about it, you plead and yes, in this case, I've been making bargains with all the deities that exist. You know those arguments.... the mental state of "if we can just get through this" ... yeah, that's where Toad and I had been circling. You hope that you can work through it, you fear it will be an "agree to disagree" moment with no resolution, only avoidance.


He and I have been working diligently on baby steps. If you picture this training like a bulls eye target, it will make it easier. On the outside you'll find the "just be in the same room without losing your crap" The center target being, free range (under supervision) with the pups. All the rings in between being the baby steps toward the goal. Rewarding any minor indication of calm, ignoring anything deemed "not calm". Repeat, repeat, repeat. Add food as he became calm enough to eat, repeat repeat repeat. Increase expectations/step toward the bulls eye..... reward looking away... reward no barking, reward reward reward.

We achieved "calm" this week. We made it to being free range (pup in crate, safe). He is completely uninterested. He will approach, calmly and is offering a play bows. He is taking the pups paw in his mouth through the crate bars to the delight of the puppy. Ears in proper position, Tail wagging at a relaxed pace. No vocals.

We are not there yet, but I have renewed hope. 

I just may ask that boy to marry me ;) 

It was Broken

Something I try to keep in mind, at all times, is that dogs generally want to please. It is their nature, it is why they were domesticated in the first place. Dogs with unknown backgrounds are no different. Sometimes they don't have the typical foundation to build on. Hard to teach shake a paw when they don't know sit.

When I get to a road block in training, or become frustrated that a lesson is not sinking in, I literally walk away from the lesson. In Toad's case we get a time out. Bullies are more tenacious and fun loving then any other breed. You cannot go head to head with them and expect any long lasting positive behavior.

I'm learning Toad's signs. He mouths, he gives me stink eye, he becomes frustrated and needs to rip and run around the house bouncing off walls. He starts to challenge me and known commands. He accidentally hurts me.

Last week, he cracked my back and tried to dislocate my jaw. He almost took us out on the road while I was driving when he thought that sitting on my head was an appropriate spot. Taken as individual items, it looks like training is needed. (and it still is, but that's not what he was trying to convey). When he gets frustrated, his patience/focus and drive to please lower... he gets into trouble, increasing the stress/frustration on my part and we become part of a losing cycle.

I found my self saying "No" like a broken record. No licking. No biting. No peeing in the house. No jumping. No chewing shoes. No stealing stuff off the counter. No being mean to puppies. No.

He was spending more time in the crate. I was exhausted. We weren't working through anything. I ran scenarios through my head. New food; are the incidents centering around meals (possibly too many carbs/sugar causing bad behavior). I'm tired; ergo less patience. New puppies (14 in the house now). Need more exercise (hence the car ride of death). Nothing was making an impact.

I began to wonder if I was acting or reacting. Was Toad now doing things to get my attention (they are pretty darned amazing trainers!).

Years ago, when I managed hair salons I took part in a training seminar. It's stayed with me for many years and has been useful in a multitude of situations. The speaker, who I was trying to convince the importance of being in the trenches with the other stylists imparted the following wisdom. He casually sauntered over to me while I was defending my position and simply asked: "Where does an Olympic swimming coach stand while coaching?"
I answered "side of the pool"  He bent down, close to my ear and yelled "GET OUT OF THE POOL!!!!"

So, there I was, in the pool, drowning with the little man. Neither of us happy, both of us frustrated.

Turns out the word "NO" is broken. I suspect it was over used in his past life (and its an easy word to use with a bully). When a word is used with no follow through, it becomes an empty word with no value. Background noise. Meant less then nothing to him, so my frustration seemed random and inappropriate.

Yesterday we began using the word "Don't" instead. It's a good word, easily replaces "no" and has a nice sharp edge to it. (tone that is). He responded immediately with a break in the behavior, which gave me the opportunity to reward what I want to see. By supper, we were in a calm, easy place. He's pretty amazing company.

My knuckle headed, forgiving little beast of a boy.

Darkest Before the Dawn

I believe this. In life, In potty training. In child rearing. In general.

Just about the time you're ready to wave the white flag and surrender, you get a break. The tides turn and you get a chance to catch your breath. I realize this was my fault. I left him unsupervised and ultimately that is my job. I also understand that sometimes you need to do laundry and that at some point, Toad needs to learn to behave in my absence.

Families of my adopted puppies often write when they are frustrated with teaching potty training, when the mouthing is pushing their buttons, or the puppy conveniently has forgotten how to "sit". My advise is always "stay the course". I promise them that it will soon be over, to just be patient for a little more. Typically within a few days they contact me again, crisis has past.

Toad and I were getting to that point. I hadn't realized how close to the edge I was until this "explosion" of stuffing and the chunks of foam from his crate pad "just happened".  My legs were tired from being in unnatural positions trying to block his pumpkin head from getting in and around me. My hands were signalling instructions that my mouth was just too tired to say anymore. My body was a beacon of information that Toad was learning to read without my conscious effort.

Somehow in the falling apart, it comes together. I think we become more focused on the end goal. We firm up with the Universe what we want. We change the energy that surrounds the goal. And magically, with this new untapped zest, it comes together.

While I was cleaning this mess, I thought about the need for him to learn "back up" and "wait". I realized he was asking for some good old chewing/destruction. He got new tartar buster bones and cow hoofs. I re-started the training for wait and back up. And.... it clicked. He was backing up and looking at me as if to say "well why didn't you just ask?" Getting in and out of cupboards or the fridge is a breeze. He's learned a bunch of new words, like go around and roll over. He can pick a hand and is getting pretty darned good at waiting. Leave it is now in there, and we need to proof it.

In life, the same thing happens. Something happens that pushes you to the brink, and while you're standing there on the edge, the view becomes so clear. Your intent solidifies and you energize. You find the support and the ways to get through the challenge. All you have to do is "Stay the Course"

I have no Plan

This is where we begin. This barking, lunging, can't hear, can't focus, can't process mess. I take in litters of pups and sometimes adult dogs. Today is Toad's first experience with puppies. He was like a wild child trying to get to them (they were, of course tucked safely in a crate).

Buffer playing with a Pup

Deep Breath. I'm used to Buffer. Buffer weened puppies, taught them body language, play and manners. He adored the pups. They literally walked all over him. I'd find him with his front feet up on a baby gate watching them play. He'd physically roll my chair away from my desk when it was time to feed the pups. He knew what day/time to teach them to not jump on people and would walk through them like they were bowling pins. That lesson stuck for life (I never could see what sign he saw). So I was kinda hoping that Toad would be similar.

The pups are 2 1/2 weeks old and I'll have them for about 6 more... I'm hoping that by the end of their time here, Toad will have come around. That's the time frame. Currently he's marking new spaces, like he's drawing a line around me... the coffee table, the sofa, the side table, non of which were ever marked before. I'm hoping to find the balance between ignoring the bad behavior, rewarding the calm and quiet behavior.

Toad is very pack oriented. When a new dog comes it he finds it upsetting. When a dog goes home, he reacts as well. Any disturbance to the pack. One would have thought adding puppies to a pack would be well received. I understand that there will not be another Buffer with the pups, but I was hoping for less "enthusiasm"... yeah we'll call it enthusiasm~!



Toad gets crated while I have Bosun modelling the behavior I'd like, which is calm, no big deal.

The pups got moved from a bathroom off my bedroom to their room. Toad can hear them more clearly. When I leave their door open for training session he watches and is super interested in the smells I carry on my clothes after working with the puppies. He is already up to 4 minutes of calm behavior and not reacting to their cries.

I do suspect he will get used to the pups... perhaps it was all that puppy goodness smells that over excited him. As he gets used to the smells and sounds he should naturally calm down.

In the meantime, he's getting rewarded for good/calm behavior and loses privileges (like watching them) for too excited! He's a smart boy... he's already starting to catch onto the system. I like that he's interested in them (Bosun wants little to do with them until they are more stable/older).

Always an adventure!

Nature versus Nurture

It's all in the way you raise them. No such thing as a bad dog. She/he must have been beat. He doesn't like men.

I have long relied on temperament. I do not personally believe you can take a truly submissive dog and make it bold, nor a truly aggressive dog calm. I think you can manage those things, I think you can subdue them somewhat, and make them comfortable in home environments. I do not think you can change the nature of the dog and once removed from the home environment, they revert back to who they fundamentally are.

I've had dogs that have never had a harsh word spoken to them yet they are trembling messes due to lack of structure and temperament. I have Toad who should hate all people from abuse and neglect and yet is loving and learning.

Toad is doing so well, that I am mistaking him for Buffer on occasion. He sets me straight. Buffer would wear anything I asked him to. Toad stopped chewing the fireman's hat long enough for a photo. Buffer was brought up being dressed and getting rewarded for it, Toad has never been exposed to it.

It's interesting to me how much the same yet different these two are. Remember they have the same sire/dam just 2 years apart, so true brothers. We understand no two children are the same, yet, don't allow the same logic to follow through to dogs. Where Buffer was bold, Toad is cautious. Buffer needed to be taught to let me have a bone/high value reward, I have taken favored treats from Toad without thinking about it.

They both do what gets rewarded. They snuggle the same. They like being under blankets. Toad uses his nose and feet to open cupboards and drawers, Buffer would have chewed through.

Buffer had a life of being rewarded with treats, and love and laughter. Toad is starting to trust that  those things are permanent.

By conventional wisdom Toad, stuffed in a shed and kicked should be a cowering, savage beast. Buffer should have been the most loving, gentle creature ever to walk the earth. He wasn't, he was highly managed and definitely human aggressive. Toad more reasonable.

Judging by temperament and not nature/nurture, you get exactly what is presented. Toad being sight/sound sensitive (Buffer not). Neither being overly social with people or dogs, both highly trainable, Toad a little touch sensitive, Buffer not, both tolerant of elevation. Both mid line on submissive/assertive.

And that... in my opinion, is what makes a dog. It's why some get past abusive history's and others find homes that make history's up. (we've all heard about a dog being abused by a man in a hat with a broom). A puppy that isn't interested in training, will take a lot to over ride. An adult that was submissive as a pup will typically always be fearful.

Trust the temperament. A dog will show you who they are, its our job to listen.

After the Glitter Fades

Toad is changing. He's trusting enough to show me his true self. The changes were subtle at first, like he's testing to see if it's really safe. He reverts back to old habits, tests newly acquired commands. He demands more and sleeps deeper.

Getting his nails to a point where he no longer corners like Cramer entering a room on an episode of Seinfeld has also allowed him to more confidently jump. Jump off the sofa or on, traction playing a big part.  He jumps on the patio door. There are failed attempts to jump onto the counter. Jumping on/at me. Jump.

He's more sure footed, so he's climbing. Onto anything he can. Like into the toy box (which rolled over onto him) or onto the stool next to the crate (which slid out from under him) and up on the stand next to the sofa (which granted him some coffee goodness).

 Most adult dogs that are re-homed go through a honeymoon phase. Ours appears to be ending.  Just like a a husband leaving his dirty socks on the floor, Toad is more willing to push his luck,To explore, to adventure and to figure things out. He's pushing that nose into the crock that holds the kibble. He's ignoring known commands. He tests to see if I'll follow through on every-single-request, of course I do, I know part of why he is feeling comfortable is because of the boundaries and expectations I've set. Dogs thrive knowing they can relax and be a dog, while someone else will look after the details. VERY few dogs are actually meant  to be an alpha in the true sense of the word. Most thrive being beta. Alpha has a lot of responsibilities that most crumble under, and eventually act out.

We have gone through 4 collars... the spike one he came with, a flashy red leather one, a great martingale and he's currently using a training collar (choke chain for the older readers).  He's acting out much in the same way a child does prior to new skills being acquired. He's frustrated, he's exhausted from so many new words/rules/training sessions. He is chewing through toys at a fast pace in an effort to work out his frustration. He wants to let go of "looking after himself" and enjoy being a dog, cocoon to butterfly stage, and it's hard. He's looking at leaving everything  that has gotten him through life so far.

 He's falling into deep sleeps, and that was my final piece of the puzzle. He's dreaming, and making the little dream movements and squeaks. He trusts enough to let his guard down. If woken abruptly now, he comes awake fast and disoriented. This is where some dogs will bite, they are so confused for a few moments. The feral fosters I worked with in Calgary would take 6 months to get to this point. Worried me the first time it happened! I work with big dogs that can do a lot of damage in a hurry. So for now, I calmly call his name and allow him to wake up. I can see he is still a little confused for a moment, but there is no scared factor.


He is also comfortable enough to relax, to sleep, to snuggle, to trust... and this minor blip will pass soon enough. For now, training is left to known commands and not stressing new ones. It's a good sign that he is so settled. It's telling that he's been here for almost 10 weeks now, and only truly starting to trust that this is forever. Most dogs fall into this to some extent within the first 2-3 weeks, the feral dogs 6 months... Toad, who wasn't truly a pet nor feral falls in the middle.

Sometimes I'm the Student

I think there comes a time in every teacher/student relationship when the roles reverse. Students that push the teacher to be better, think different, and take a step back and re-examine a situation are often the drivers for this. Toad is one of those students.

He and I are slowly finding a common ground. We are building communication often through miscommunication just like any great relationship does. We are mostly having fun and definitely both growing. There is a peace that is starting to settle in along with the trust.

Toad teaches me to trust the process. So often I know where I want to be and rush for the goal. Toad makes me break stuff down and celebrate the little victories that get me there. Life is a bunch of little things that add up to big things. I was happier with him trying to figure out what "down" meant then the actual behavior.

I am learning to slow down. I eat meals at the kitchen table now. I've lived alone for two years and developed poor eating habits. I try to stay in the moment and be present. Meals were something that got blurred with life. I'd have lunch while returning emails or eat breakfast standing at the sink. Not any more. Toad learns in a very specific way/place, so eating anywhere other then the table means starting at square one with training.

He makes me be clear on my intentions. No vague-well-you-get-my-meaning stuff works. Coffee is safe on the stand beside the sofa, (Brought to you by the Letter C)  not on the coffee table. The dremel is okay in the kitchen, not in the living room. So often we are unclear in our communications. He is making me take his point of view into consideration and to be clear about mine.  Just because its all mapped out in my head doesn't mean the world is in the same place. He makes me remember to meet people "where they are" not where I am.

Mostly, Toad is teaching me to believe. Believe that little steps lead to big progress. Believe that people and dogs come into our lives for a reason. Believe that I am exactly where I need to be.  Believe that blessings are often wrapped up in lessons. And just when I get too deep, he makes me believe I need a new chew toy.