That was Then

There are weird things happening around my house. Things like no warning barks coming from the bedroom when someone walks past the house. Things like my bed staying made all day. Fewer doors needing to be opened and closed. The food container doesn't need to filled as often. Bosun's painful to watch 6 rotations before finally laying down on the sofa isn't happening.

Normally I'd head to the woods to sort these things out. Normally I'd take Bosun and we'd go. I knew I could completely relax and not be concerned about my surroundings, that Bos would keep watch. That he'd check back regularly. That he would just be "there". Unconditionally, forever. And therein lies the problem. Bosun's "forever" got cut short. Much too short.

Last Saturday he became suddenly, seriously sick and needed me to allow him to pass. He went from 100% fine (we were headed to an off leash park for a party) to needing emergency vet care. He had a cyst burst on his spleen and there were no warning signs, trust me, his last 6 months are stuck on replay.

Toad, has suddenly had new expectations imposed. I need him to be free range while I shower. I want him to be able to sleep with me. I want to have him stop trying to bite the tears because it's the only thing he can see that may be causing me distress. It'd be great if I could trust him enough to head to the woods to work this out in my head. Or maybe it's my heart that needs catching up.

 He has taken up new habits like chasing his tail. Bullies tend to lean into this behavior, but it's new for him. Its a sign that his anxiety is getting high. He's jumping on me and nipping again. He's taken up chewing my shoes and hoarding things in his crate. Hes become vigilant and is reacting more to outside noises. Another sign that his adrenaline has been pushed.

We did a practice run with the sleeping in bed with me. My top concerns are bodily harm (he is very much a 55 pound puppy, so he gets excited), him marking the new to him room, me not getting sleep. He was pretty great for the nap, however once complete and he was aware I was awake, he bounced and bucked like something that should be entered in the Calgary Stampede. I was quite sure concern #1 was on it's way. I was trapped under the blankets, my timing was horrid, every time I tried to peel them back he was on his way to bouncing on that side.... it was comical and scary and oh so Toad.

Overall Toad is becoming predictable. He regresses with stress (don't we all?) He's becoming this cuddly, sweet companion. He is learning faster now, words like inside and outside are almost mastered. He's learning to be calm. He's doing really well with leash walking. He's my boy. He has big shoes to fill. He has a spirit big enough to tackle it.

We miss Bosun. We've spent a lot of time just being quiet, and maybe that's his super power, getting me to sit quietly when my body just wants to run away. For the millionth time since he landed with me I am grateful to share time and space with this little train wreck I call Toad.

Regression

I think that it's normal to circle back once in a while. To return to the comfort of our old ways. Old habits. Old friends. I think its normal to take a break in learning. To relax the expectations. To regress.

Toad went to a kennel for night last weekend. Now this particular kennel is great for dogs like Buffer and Toad. Buffer I wanted zero handling, he would bite, I was 100% sure. Toad is less of an issue, but not a dog I am ready to ask friends/family to watch. So off to the kennel he went.

I'm told he was great. Minimal barking/marking/crazy. Not a surprise for me. He's really come a long way. This was a test for him, and me, and the training. It was a test to show I'd come back. A test of his new habits. A test of his tolerances.

He came back exhausted, as I expected. He tried to crawl inside my body once we were tucked back in the car. He settled for half of his body on my lap as I drove. He's not left my side.



We have a regression of some habits, like marking. It's as if he needs to re-assert that this is his home.

We had gotten to a place with his nail dremelling that I could just do it without any luring. He's now back to sound sensitive. We are back to peanut butter in a kong. It took me a bit to figure out why I was getting resistance and stink eye... back feet are fine, front feet not fine. I forgot how far we had come. How far away simply filing his nails seemed.

So, for now we back up, we keep the expectations set, and reward the behaviors we want repeated. He will bounce back once he's caught up on rest. It's tiring mentally and physically for them to go to the kennel. So many sounds and smells and restless moments.

I'll Be Your Man

Must love dogs, well, puppies to be exact. I'm in a totally committed relationship with Toad. I'm in love. I overlook some downfalls. I excuse some poor manners. I accept there are limitations just like every good relationship does. I focus on the good times and lean into the bad ones.

But, because there is a divide between my passions of puppies and my love of Toad, it gets hard. Because Buffer was so amazingly, unbelievably nurturing, the comparisons happen. Past relationship v/s new guy. I accept that Toad will never replace Buffer's work. But holy hannah heck.... you'd think he could at least not be bat crap crazy around the pups!

Toad started off poorly. 

Too enthusiastic. Too vocal. Too fast. 

No focus, no words, no control. 

Every relationship has priority items. With people it can be children, geography or goals. Toad being able to behave reasonably with the babies is a top priority. It's where we've been spending time. By moments, I feel like it will be a dead end in training. Yesterday, we finally had a break through.

With every relationship that's going through a tough time, you negotiate, you talk about it, you plead and yes, in this case, I've been making bargains with all the deities that exist. You know those arguments.... the mental state of "if we can just get through this" ... yeah, that's where Toad and I had been circling. You hope that you can work through it, you fear it will be an "agree to disagree" moment with no resolution, only avoidance.


He and I have been working diligently on baby steps. If you picture this training like a bulls eye target, it will make it easier. On the outside you'll find the "just be in the same room without losing your crap" The center target being, free range (under supervision) with the pups. All the rings in between being the baby steps toward the goal. Rewarding any minor indication of calm, ignoring anything deemed "not calm". Repeat, repeat, repeat. Add food as he became calm enough to eat, repeat repeat repeat. Increase expectations/step toward the bulls eye..... reward looking away... reward no barking, reward reward reward.

We achieved "calm" this week. We made it to being free range (pup in crate, safe). He is completely uninterested. He will approach, calmly and is offering a play bows. He is taking the pups paw in his mouth through the crate bars to the delight of the puppy. Ears in proper position, Tail wagging at a relaxed pace. No vocals.

We are not there yet, but I have renewed hope. 

I just may ask that boy to marry me ;)